Resources
Books, podcasts and resources
These are books and podcasts connected to the ideas in my work, with links to my own writing alongside. They're organised by topic, so you can start with whatever is closest to where you are.
Book titles link to Amazon.com.
If you're new to this work, start here
Six books to begin with, each from a different topic below. Every topic has more underneath.
Anchored
Deb Dana · See this section
Waking the Tiger
Peter Levine · See this section
No Bad Parts
Richard Schwartz · See this section
Secure Love
Julie Menanno · See this section
The Wild Edge of Sorrow
Francis Weller · See this section
The Middle Passage
James Hollis · See this section
Nervous system and regulation
These books explain how the nervous system responds to threat and to safety, and how to work with it through the body.
Books
Anchored (opens in a new tab)
Deb Dana turns polyvagal theory into everyday practices for noticing your state and finding your way back to steadiness. She taught me polyvagal-informed practice.
Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection (opens in a new tab)
Fifty exercises for working with the autonomic nervous system, written mainly for therapists to use with clients.
The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory (opens in a new tab)
Stephen Porges, who proposed polyvagal theory, explains it and what it suggests about feeling safe.
Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers (opens in a new tab)
A Stanford neuroscientist explains how long-term stress affects the body, in plain language and with a good deal of humour.
More books on this topic (2)
The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy (opens in a new tab)
Deb Dana's guide to bringing polyvagal theory into clinical work, written mainly for therapists.
Our Polyvagal World (opens in a new tab)
Stephen Porges and his son Seth look at polyvagal theory through animal behaviour and our evolutionary past.
Trauma and somatic healing
These books approach trauma through the body. Peter Levine developed Somatic Experiencing®, and I've trained personally with Kathy Kain.
Books
Waking the Tiger (opens in a new tab)
Peter Levine, who developed Somatic Experiencing®, looks at how animals recover from threat and what that suggests about human trauma.
In an Unspoken Voice (opens in a new tab)
Levine's fuller account of how trauma is held in the body and how Somatic Experiencing® works with it.
Nurturing Resilience (opens in a new tab)
Kathy Kain and Stephen Terrell write about helping people move forward from developmental trauma through the body.
Healing Developmental Trauma (opens in a new tab)
Laurence Heller and Aline LaPierre describe how early trauma affects self-regulation and the capacity for relationship.
The Body Keeps the Score (opens in a new tab)
Bessel van der Kolk describes how trauma shapes brain and body, drawing on decades of clinical work.
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving (opens in a new tab)
Psychotherapist Pete Walker maps recovery from childhood trauma, including emotional flashbacks and the inner critic.
More books on this topic (9)
The Practical Guide for Healing Developmental Trauma (opens in a new tab)
Laurence Heller and Brad Kammer present the NeuroAffective Relational Model for healing developmental trauma.
The Myth of Normal (opens in a new tab)
Gabor Maté, writing with his son Daniel, looks at how trauma, illness and the culture around us are connected.
Trauma and Recovery (opens in a new tab)
Judith Herman's account of trauma from abuse to political violence, with a three-stage model of recovery.
Trauma and the Body (opens in a new tab)
Pat Ogden and her co-authors set out sensorimotor psychotherapy, a body-based approach to trauma.
Transforming the Living Legacy of Trauma (opens in a new tab)
Janina Fisher's workbook for survivors and therapists on working with the parts of us shaped by trauma.
The Body Bears the Burden (opens in a new tab)
A neurologist's account of how unresolved trauma can show up in physical and emotional illness.
The Heart of Trauma (opens in a new tab)
Bonnie Badenoch writes about trauma through interpersonal neurobiology, with attention to the relationship between therapist and client.
My Grandmother's Hands (opens in a new tab)
Resmaa Menakem writes about racialised trauma and how it lives in the body.
Scattered Minds (opens in a new tab)
Maté's book on attention deficit disorder, which he traces to early experience.
Internal Family Systems and parts work
Internal Family Systems treats the mind as a system of parts, led by a core Self. Richard Schwartz developed it, and these resources run from first introductions to clinical texts.
Books
No Bad Parts (opens in a new tab)
Richard Schwartz introduces the model he developed, and the idea that every part of you has a reason for what it does.
Introduction to Internal Family Systems (opens in a new tab)
The model's core ideas and steps, explained by its founder.
You Are the One You've Been Waiting For (opens in a new tab)
Schwartz applies IFS to intimate relationships and to the parts of us that get triggered in them.
Self-Therapy (opens in a new tab)
A step-by-step guide to working with your own parts using IFS.
Somatic Internal Family Systems Therapy (opens in a new tab)
Susan McConnell brings the body into IFS work through breath and movement.
More books on this topic (3)
Internal Family Systems Therapy (opens in a new tab)
The clinical text on the model, written mainly for practitioners.
Internal Family Systems Skills Training Manual (opens in a new tab)
A practitioner's manual of skills and exercises for working with the IFS model.
Transcending Trauma (opens in a new tab)
Psychiatrist Frank Anderson describes how IFS can be used to heal complex trauma.
Podcasts and talks
IFS Talks (opens in a new tab)
Interviews with IFS trainers and authors.
The One Inside (opens in a new tab)
Conversations with members of the IFS community, hosted by a certified IFS therapist for people curious about the model.
Attachment and relationships
Early relationships shape how we connect and how we argue as adults. These books and podcasts look at attachment and at how couples repair after conflict.
Books
Secure Love (opens in a new tab)
Couples therapist Julie Menanno explains attachment styles and how to move out of negative cycles toward more secure connection.
The Power of Attachment (opens in a new tab)
Diane Poole Heller describes attachment styles and how they can shift in adulthood.
Wired for Love (opens in a new tab)
Stan Tatkin applies attachment theory and neuroscience to how couples calm each other and handle conflict.
In Each Other's Care (opens in a new tab)
Stan Tatkin's guide to the most common relationship conflicts and how couples can work through them and reconnect. The same book is also sold as Relationship Repair.
Hold Me Tight (opens in a new tab)
Sue Johnson, who developed Emotionally Focused Therapy, lays out seven conversations that shape a couple's bond.
Us (opens in a new tab)
Terrence Real offers a model for moving from “you versus me” to a relationship that serves both people.
More books on this topic (6)
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (opens in a new tab)
Principles drawn from Gottman's long research on couples.
Hold On to Your Kids (opens in a new tab)
Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté argue that parents need to matter more to their children than their children's peers do.
Attached (opens in a new tab)
Amir Levine and Rachel Heller explain adult attachment styles and how they play out in dating and relationships.
The Science of Trust (opens in a new tab)
John Gottman's research-based account of trust and emotional attunement in couples.
Mating in Captivity (opens in a new tab)
Esther Perel on the tension between security and desire in long-term relationships.
Getting the Love You Want (opens in a new tab)
Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt describe Imago Relationship Therapy, with a programme for couples.
Podcasts and talks
The Secure Love Podcast (opens in a new tab)
Real-time couples therapy sessions using Emotionally Focused Therapy.
Where Should We Begin? (opens in a new tab)
Esther Perel's sessions with real couples and individuals.
Boundaries, people-pleasing and self-trust
These books cover boundaries and people-pleasing from a practical angle. My own writing adds what happens in the body when you try to say no.
Books
Set Boundaries, Find Peace (opens in a new tab)
Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab explains how to recognise your limits and communicate them.
The Book of Boundaries (opens in a new tab)
A practical guide to setting and keeping limits with the people in your life.
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty (opens in a new tab)
An assertiveness training book first published in 1975.
Not Nice (opens in a new tab)
Psychologist Aziz Gazipura writes about people-pleasing and learning to speak up for yourself.
More books on this topic (2)
Boundary Boss (opens in a new tab)
Psychotherapist Terri Cole writes about boundaries and people-pleasing.
Codependent No More (opens in a new tab)
Melody Beattie's book on codependency, first published in 1986.
Grief, separation and loss
Grief follows a death, and it also follows a separation, a move or a change of identity. These books treat grief as something to carry and tend.
Books
The Wild Edge of Sorrow (opens in a new tab)
Psychotherapist Francis Weller writes about grief as part of a full life, with attention to ritual and community.
It's OK That You're Not OK (opens in a new tab)
Megan Devine writes for people in grief and for those who want to support them.
The Grieving Brain (opens in a new tab)
A neuroscientist's account of what grief does in the brain, and how we learn to live with loss.
The Smell of Rain on Dust (opens in a new tab)
Martín Prechtel writes about grief and praise, drawing on his years among the Tz'utujil Maya.
Finding Meaning (opens in a new tab)
David Kessler, who worked with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, proposes meaning as a sixth stage of grief.
More books on this topic (5)
Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends (opens in a new tab)
A long-running guide to the emotional work of separation and divorce.
Conscious Uncoupling (opens in a new tab)
A five-step process for ending a relationship with less damage.
Bearing the Unbearable (opens in a new tab)
Joanne Cacciatore writes about traumatic loss, drawing on her work with bereaved families.
The Other Side of Sadness (opens in a new tab)
Clinical psychologist George Bonanno presents research on how people cope with bereavement.
Die Wise (opens in a new tab)
Stephen Jenkinson, a former palliative care counsellor, writes about dying and how our culture treats it.
Podcasts and talks
IFS Talks: Honoring and Accompanying Grief, with Einat Bronstein (opens in a new tab)
An April 2026 episode on grief through an IFS lens, with senior trainer Einat Bronstein, one of my IFS teachers. Find it in the show's episode list.
Anxiety, chronic stress and burnout
These books look at chronic pressure through the body and the nervous system, which is the view my own writing takes too. Anchored and Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers, listed under nervous system and regulation, belong here as well.
Books
Burnout (opens in a new tab)
Emily and Amelia Nagoski explain the stress cycle and why completing it matters.
When the Body Says No (opens in a new tab)
Gabor Maté explores how chronic stress and suppressed emotion can contribute to illness.
The Upside of Stress (opens in a new tab)
Health psychologist Kelly McGonigal argues that how we think about stress changes how it affects us.
The Stress Prescription (opens in a new tab)
Stress researcher Elissa Epel offers a seven-day plan for working with stress.
Life transitions and identity
These books look at midlife and career change, and at the uncertain stretch between an old identity and a new one.
Books
The Middle Passage (opens in a new tab)
Jungian analyst James Hollis writes about midlife as a time to reassess who you've become.
Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life (opens in a new tab)
Hollis on the questions that arise after the middle passage.
Transitions (opens in a new tab)
William Bridges describes transition as an inner process that starts with an ending and moves through a neutral zone before a new beginning.
Life Is in the Transitions (opens in a new tab)
Bruce Feiler draws on interviews with people who have been through major changes.
Working Identity (opens in a new tab)
Herminia Ibarra argues that people change careers by experimenting, and by learning from what they try.
More books on this topic (2)
Necessary Losses (opens in a new tab)
Judith Viorst writes about the losses everyone goes through in growing up and growing older.
The Inner Work of Age (opens in a new tab)
Connie Zweig writes about ageing as a shift from outer roles toward an inner sense of self.
Men and masculinity
These authors write about men's emotional lives and about what mature masculinity might mean.
Books
Iron John (opens in a new tab)
Robert Bly retells a Grimm fairy tale to explore initiation and masculine development.
I Don't Want to Talk About It (opens in a new tab)
Terrence Real writes about male depression and how it can hide behind anger or withdrawal.
The Will to Change (opens in a new tab)
bell hooks examines patriarchy's effects on men and what it takes for men to love.
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover (opens in a new tab)
Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette describe four archetypes of mature masculinity, drawing on Jungian psychology.
Of Boys and Men (opens in a new tab)
Richard Reeves examines how boys and men are faring in education and in the labour market.
More books on this topic (2)
Under Saturn's Shadow (opens in a new tab)
James Hollis on the wounding of men and the work of healing it.
To Be a Man (opens in a new tab)
Psychotherapist Robert Augustus Masters offers a guide to what he calls true masculine power.
I also run a Melbourne group for men rebuilding after separation. You can read about it at Reclaim Men's Healing.
Addiction and compulsive behaviours
These books take different views of what addiction is. Some link it to trauma and protective parts, others to reward and learning in the brain, and the authors don't all agree, so it's worth reading them as perspectives.
Books
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts (opens in a new tab)
Gabor Maté draws on his work with people living with addiction in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside to write about addiction and what lies beneath it.
Internal Family Systems Therapy for Addictions (opens in a new tab)
A practitioner's manual on working with addictive behaviour through the IFS model.
Dopamine Nation (opens in a new tab)
Stanford psychiatrist Anna Lembke explains how pleasure, pain and reward interact, with stories from her patients.
The Biology of Desire (opens in a new tab)
Neuroscientist Marc Lewis argues against the disease model of addiction.
More books on this topic (2)
Never Enough (opens in a new tab)
Neuroscientist Judith Grisel draws on her own history of addiction and her research to explain how addiction works.
The Craving Mind (opens in a new tab)
Psychiatrist Judson Brewer looks at craving and how mindfulness can loosen its hold.
If your own or someone else's alcohol or drug use is a worry, you can speak with your GP or call the National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline on 1800 250 015, free and confidential, any time.
Not sure where to start? A free 45-minute chemistry call is a good place to talk about what's going on and what might help.
Talk about where to start on a free callThese suggestions are general information. I'm not a registered psychologist, and this work sits alongside medical or psychological care without replacing it.
If you need help now
Sessions aren't an emergency service. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000). For support right now, Lifeline is available any time on 13 11 14.
Rudi Doku · Psychotherapist and Somatic Experiencing® Practitioner (SEP) · Thornbury and Elsternwick, Melbourne · Online across Australia