I've lived this work.

Every move was for my former spouse's career. I adapted each time, but I didn't fully appreciate how much the constant adjustment was affecting me.

One of the biggest challenges was moving from software engineering into client-facing consulting. I'd been comfortable working behind the scenes, but suddenly I was expected to advise clients and hold my own in unfamiliar situations. I struggled with imposter syndrome and was constantly afraid of making mistakes.

Things became particularly difficult when we moved to Singapore. I'd transferred with the global consulting firm I'd joined in Amsterdam, but the Asian market was very different from Europe. I spent nearly my entire time there on the bench, without a client project.

I felt ashamed. I'd been capable and valued in Amsterdam, and now I wasn't getting the opportunity to use those same skills. My confidence suffered, and I began questioning myself in ways I hadn't before.

During those years, my professional interests were also shifting towards people and leadership. I completed an Executive Master in Change at INSEAD and later worked on leadership development programmes across Africa.

Around 2017, I started therapy focused on nervous-system regulation. Until then, I'd spent a lot of time trying to understand and solve problems through thinking.

The work introduced me to another way of paying attention to myself, including what was happening in my body when I felt anxious or overwhelmed.

I also began parts work and later Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. I started to develop a more compassionate relationship with the parts of me that carried old wounds, rather than trying to get rid of them.

Over time, I became better at recognising my reactions and pausing before acting on them. It didn't mean difficult feelings disappeared, but I had more room to respond differently.

My marriage ended in 2019, and the divorce was finalised in 2021. The legal proceedings that followed lasted until 2024.

I wasn't prepared for how much grief came with the separation, or how difficult it would be to make important decisions while under prolonged stress.

I didn't have a mentor to guide me through it. For a long time, I felt lost. I made important decisions while struggling to manage the stress I was under.

The experience changed how I understand relationships and conflict, and how hard it is for children when their parents are caught up in their own distress.

That chapter of my life eventually led me to develop Reclaim Men's Healing, a seven-month Melbourne group for men rebuilding after separation.

I moved to Melbourne at the beginning of 2021. I was still doing my own therapeutic work, and my interest in the approaches that had helped me was growing.

I'd trained in IFS and studied Polyvagal Informed Practice with Deb Dana. In 2022, I began the three-year professional training in Somatic Experiencing.

I also continued exploring men's work with Dr Paul Dunion, including his Maturing Masculine workshop.

Today, I'm a certified Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and part of the assisting team for Restoring Resilience's Melbourne SE training, with Maggie Kline as faculty trainer.

I continue to attend therapy and receive professional supervision. Both remain important parts of how I develop as a practitioner.

My personal experiences brought me to this work, but they've also taught me not to assume that another person's experience will be the same as mine. I'm interested in understanding what happens for each person, rather than deciding in advance what they need.